10 things you should NEVER say to a woman dealing with infertility

10 things you should never say to a woman dealing with infertility

When you’re going through something like infertility it can be quite difficult for people to relate to your struggle.  Sometimes, in their failed effort to impart wisdom, people can say some incredibly ridiculous and insensitive things.  Here are the top 10 worse comments I’ve ever heard. (some comments were made to me and others to people going through their own struggle).  To read my original post about my struggle with infertility click here.

10.  Have you been to see a doctor yet?  Yeah Like it hadn’t occurred to me to do that??

9.  Are you sure you should be drinking that coffee?  I mean seriously? Are you just trying to kick me while I’m down?

8.  Everything happens for a reason.  What is that supposed to mean?  That I deserve to go through this struggle?

7.  If it’s meant to happen it will.  So basically you think that I’m just supposed to sit back and accept a life with no children because nature is somehow telling me I’m not deserving of having a child?

6.  Why don’t you just adopt?  Adoption is a fantastic and blessed way to start a family, but who are you to tell someone to give up on their dream of carrying their own baby?

5.  I wish I had that problem! I’m always worried about getting pregnant!  This has to be just about the dumbest things I’ve heard.  I mean seriously, are you looking to get punched in the face?

4.  Wow I don’t know how you do it, if it were me I think I’d just fall into a deep depression.  Ok, thanks for the encouraging words.

3.  If you really want to get pregnant then shouldn’t you save your money for more treatments rather than spending it to go on vacation?  How about you walk a mile in my shoes and then we’ll talk about how…oh wait, even then it’d still be NONE of our business!

2.  Maybe if you had tried when you were younger it would have been easier.  Are you a doctor?  No!  So shut it.

1.  Stop thinking about it and you’ll get pregnant.  This is by far the WORST thing I used to hear when we were trying to get pregnant.  First of all, if it were that easy we would have gotten pregnant in our first year of trying.  And second of all, telling a woman who is struggling to get pregnant to just stop thinking about it is like telling a baby that if they just stop thinking about it then they won’t be hungry anymore.

No one expects you to understand what it’s like to experience infertility, let alone have some magical words to make it all better.  But please, just take a second to think a little bit about what you’re about to say before actually speaking.  If you’re looking to be supportive, then just be a friend, no one expects you to know the perfect thing to say.

Know of any other remarkable comments that should be added to the list?  Tell me and I’ll update it! (with a link-back to your page of course) 🙂

A Bit Of Everything
My Kid Doesn't Poop Rainbows

20 thoughts on “10 things you should NEVER say to a woman dealing with infertility

  1. Totally 1000% agree Number 1 is the WORST. We’ve spent two years and thousands of dollars trying to get pregnant so far, and someone’s best suggestion is that we just “relax and it will happen”. Riiiiight. I don’t think so. Would you tell someone under the care of any other type of doctor to stop their treatments and just relax and the problem will go away? I think not.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I love these lists as it kills me to know that some moron has asked each of these questions. To preface, we are going through DE-IVF *and* international adoption. My favorite insult was after another unsuccessful infertility treatment that “well, you are really into recycling so adoption is a great fit for you!” And even my doctor (not my RE, my GP) who had adopted said to me “don’t count on not getting pregnant, as soon as I adopted I got pregnant with twins!” Let’s just say she’s no longer my doc. Everyone “knows someone who got PG when they stopped trying”. Fuck em.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Touchy subject this one. I was told years ago after my husband at the time and I had both been tested that if I ever wanted to have kids I was going to have to take fertility drugs. His sperm count was the highest my doctor had ever seen. Go figure. Nothing like having all the pressure put on me. I decided against fertility drugs because I just felt like I wasn’t ready to go down that road. It eventually lead to our divorce. Fast forward through another 5 year relationship and a series of one night stands to the ripe ol age of 35 when I met my husband and was knocked up within 5 months of being together. Just like that. No drugs no nothing and then the next year…knocked up again and then as we were using birth control to try and not get pregnant…surprise #3 happened. Never give up hope. I wish you the best and when someone says the wrong thing…try to remember that some people just don’t know how to put their foot in their mouth. #fartglitter 💌Trista, Domesticated Momster

    Liked by 1 person

  4. The Anxious Dragon

    People are quite stupid sometimes. Altgough I do know of couples that have had children naturally after giving up fertility treatment and being an advocste for adoption (having been in care as a child myself) I would never impart those ‘words of wisdom’ on anyone who was having fertility problems.
    As for the person who said you shouldnt take holidays…no words…..
    Thanks for linking up with us, Tracey xx #abitofeverything

    Liked by 1 person

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