Please stop telling me to “just wait”

Please stop telling me to just wait

Just wait. Two relatively innocent words that are starting to become two of the most annoying words to hear.  No matter what stage of life I’m in there is always someone telling me to just wait.

Just wait until you have to plan a wedding.

Just wait until you’re pregnant.

Just wait until you have a child.

Just wait until he’s older.

Just wait until you have another baby.

What is the constant obsession with telling people to just wait until they experience what you have already gone through?  Every time someone tells me to just wait it makes me feel like they’re telling me that my experience is somehow inferior because I haven’t gone through as much as they have.  My life is unique to me, and things will happen in the time they’re meant to happen.  There is no way to know what the future will bring, so who’s to say I’m going to experience the same things as anyone else?

Most recently the just wait I keep hearing is just wait until you have two kids.  First of all, who said I’m going to have another baby?  Secondly, just because I “only” (ugh even writing that makes me cringe) have one child doesn’t mean that my stress or hectic days are any less valid than anyone who has multiple children.  Sometimes it seems like if I’m around other mothers who have 2 or more kids, I’m not allowed to say anything about being tired because the response is always “oh just wait until you have another baby, you have no idea.”   It’s like there is always someone trying to one up me, trying to prove that they’re somehow more talented than I am because they have more to deal with.  Why is it even a competition?  Why can’t we simply share our experiences with one another without trying to make comparisons?  What’s beautiful about friendship is that you can share about your life, unload your stresses, and support each other.  But if you’re too busy trying to prove that you’re somehow better than doesn’t that undermine the friendship?

Please stop telling me to “just wait.”  My feelings, whatever situation I’m dealing with, is no less valid just because you have already been through it or because you think your life is somehow more complicated than mine.  If you have well-earned advice that you can offer then that’s great, and it’s certainly much more useful than telling me to wait.

Let’s all make a commitment to stop telling people to just wait.  Perhaps a better approach would be to say “I understand.”  Let’s try our best to be there to support one another, and stop trying to one up each other.

Mummuddlingthrough
A Bit Of Everything
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20 thoughts on “Please stop telling me to “just wait”

  1. Totally feel you, momma! I find this passive-aggressive dance come up quite a bit around parenting, and it starts as early as sharing birth stories…What’s interesting is that I think this idea of comparing / being jealous is a hot button these days. I’ve come across quite a few articles talking about it, but from the side of the other person’s point of view, feeling inadequate and envious of someone else’s supposedly better lives. Your article is the first I’ve come across from the one who’s being compared against. Goes to show that FDR was right: Comparison is the thief of joy….for both sides of the table.

    But thank you for giving your suggestion of just listening and saying “I understand” rather than give your own point of view / story. Sometimes, we just need our friends to just lend a listening ear.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m not one to compare my life to others, at least I try not to. That is a sure way to feel inferior because it’s easy to view someone else’s life as perfect, when the reality is that you have no idea what goes on behind closed doors. I’m all for people sharing their experiences, especially if they can offer some advice, but it needs to be in a helpful spirit, not an “I’m better” spirit.
      Thank you for commenting 🙂

      Like

  2. Well said!

    You can almost feel the finger wagging that accompanies it can’t you? It’s so pointlessly patronising and as you say just minimises your own experience for the sake of it. There’s no guarantee in any case that when you have the second child, or get married that the outcome will be the same as theirs. That may or may not be a good thing depending!

    #coolmumclub

    Liked by 1 person

  3. So true….in all honesty, I’m probably guilty of having said this! But, thank you for shedding light on a different perspective. I suppose I often look at people with the ‘next’ situation and wonder how I’d cope? I’m sure it’s often just said innocently because a lot of us do feel a bit frantic, but I agree, some people are just always out to ‘win’.
    Thanks for sharing with #coolmumclub (Just wait till you try and run a linky! *JOKE* Ha ha just kidding :-))

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Yep. Just wait until they’re a teenager, just wait until they’re keeping you up all night worrying, blah blah blah, scare monger, scare monger, scare monger.

    1) Stop wishing MY time away, thank you very much.
    2) Ummm, that’s a pretty useless thing to say, as if I have a choice BUT to wait?
    3) Maybe when this dreaded event that I’ve got to ‘just wait’ for actually happens, it’ll be rather lovely and I’ll ram your warnings down your throat!

    Grrrrr. Sorry for the rage. Great post! #abitofeverything

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes! The “it could be worse” is not at all helpful when you’re struggling with something. Sometimes all you need is an ear to listen to you, not someone to say that you shouldn’t feel bad because it could be worse.
      Thank you for commenting!

      Like

  5. AGREED!!! I have had people who barely know me tell me, “wait until you get pregnant” without realizing that I had a hysterectomy when I was 24. Talk about a punch to the gut. And, of course, if you call them out on it, you are the mean woman who wants to make people feel bad. Screw you people…stop assuming you know the life plan of every individual on Earth!

    I agree that, “I understand” would be a way better way to start addressing people. Great post! #abitofeverything

    Liked by 1 person

  6. agentspitback

    Brilliant post!! I totally agree with what you have written! You have articulated so well that we just need to be more supportive. Sometimes all we need is a listening ear, not a “just wait” attitude! Thanks for sharing with #abitofeverything

    Liked by 1 person

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